masque-rade

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."
-- Henry David Thoreau

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the masque was a form of festive courtly entertainment which flourished in 16th and early 17th century Europe, involving music and dancing, singing, and acting... i had the distinct pleasure and privilege this week to attend the 17 solo performances of humber college's 2005 graduating class in theatre performance... the themes ranged from the personal to the sublime, although each was compelling and inspiring and thought-provoking in its own way... i am deeply impressed with this group of talented individuals, and i look forward to their future accomplishments... a group of them have formed Madhouse Theatre, which will be performing short pieces inspired by Ovid as part of the 2005 Doors Open Toronto celebration...

i share all this because warner is one of those amazing 17 performers i had the privilege of watching... i can't say enough how happy and proud i am to be with him and to witness his successes... as i alluded to in previous posts, i have been able to experience all sorts of interesting and inspiring moments since we've been together... i've always had a love for theatre, and knowing warner has only deepened my passion for it and allowed me to grow in my understanding of the performing arts...

and sometimes, it is with a tinge of regret that i contemplate where my life would be if i had chosen a different path... i envy so much the creativity and ability of actors -- to entertain while speaking to us about the truths of human existence, to engage human emotion and intellect and force communication between subjects... i wish that i had the ability and the opportunity to move people with words and actions, and also to be carefree in some sense -- to care and yet not cry about the great stage of fools on which we are come...

one of my favourite movies is Dead Poet's Society, a wonderfully acted and beautifully told story of the quest to maintain your individual identity and follow your dreams... to humber's 2005 graduating class, and to every aspiring performer out there, i commend you and hold you in the highest esteem, not only for your talents and efforts, but for having a passion in life and the courage to pursue it...

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ramblings on a rainy saturday...

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*rrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggg*

Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline...

Press 1 repeatedly if you are obsessive-compulsive...
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to help you press 2...
If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, and 5...

If you are a schizophreniac, ask the voices which number to press...

If you are paranoid delusional, we know what you want...
stay on the line so we can trace your call...

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what you press...
no one will help you...

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ah... laughter...

if only we could make all our problems go away just by laughing at them... it's been an anxiety-filled weekend... i've gutted my room and packed everything away in boxes... no, i'm not moving out anytime soon, although i could move out (physically) tomorrow if i wanted to... i just had to see my things in boxes to steel my resolve...

i really need to do this... for myself... for my sanity...

on the other hand, it might not work out as originally planned... perhaps it would've been foolhardy to think of moving in with warner after only 3 months... we'll see if that works out... if not, i may have hit on the perfect alternative... in any case, i'm really worried about warner... well, about him and about us... i wonder how things will work out with us if things don't work out so well for him this summer... i wonder how much of myself i should be investing in someone else's plans... i wonder if it's selfishness or genuine concern on my part... i wonder what i can do to help... i wonder if i should even try... maybe i shouldn't make it my problem...

maybe i should stop caring so much... apparently i do that too much...
is there even such a thing? maybe i'm just a smotherer...


anyway, things will work out the way they're supposed to, right?

but then again, who says what "supposed to" is supposed to really be?

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p + w = popularly wicked ;)

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Like a comet pulled
From orbit as it
Passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Half-way through the wood

You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
Whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my boyfriend*

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


* with apologies to the creators of this FANTASTIC musical

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what an AMAZING show! i absolutely LOVE musicals, and this one is easily right up there with the top 3 that i've seen... from set and costume design to the amazing score and lyrics to the incredible performances, there is not one thing not to be commended in this show... the rave reviews truly do not even come close to doing it justice... there's not even a way to describe it, so for those of you with the opportunity, you must make it happen for yourself and go see WICKED...


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Looking beyond the bottom line...

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this summer, i'll finally get a chance to maybe do something with all this rambling about corporate ethics and social responsibility as i work with the Hutch on his newest book about... well... what else?

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Most of the corporate leaders Roger Martin meets would like to make the world a better place. But they're not prepared to jeopardize their company's health, their workers' jobs or their shareholders' money to do it. What they need, the dean of the Rotman School of Management says, is a way of thinking about their role in society as rigorously as they think about making profits. At the moment, no such discipline exists.

So business executives play it safe; they champion a few high-profile charities, keep out of trouble and make speeches about corporate social responsibility. That is no longer good enough. With globalization forcing governments into retreat, citizens are looking to the private sector to show leadership on everything from fair trade to sustainable development.

That is why the Rotman School has just launched the AIC Institute for Corporate Citizenship. Its role is to develop the tools business leaders need to practise smart social risk-taking, reconcile their shareholders' interests with those of the wider community and move from good intentions to practical choices. Martin will direct the new institute, created with a $10 million donation from financier and philanthropist Michael Lee-Chin. A team of academics and experienced executives will back him up.

As a business professor, Martin has been wrestling with this problem for close to five years. He hasn't solved it yet, but he's part way there. He has figured out the six attributes a decision-making model would need to possess in order to provide useful guidance to a CEO who wants to do the right thing but doesn't know how:

First, it would have to offer concrete direction. Business leaders don't respond to vague moralizing. They need to know what to do in specific situations. Second, it would have to be compatible with the management structures a company already has in place. No CEO is going to move into a realm of activity that is totally disconnected from the core functions of his or her business. Third, it would have to produce measurable results. A chief executive has to be able to show shareholders that his or her strategy is having a positive impact. Fourth, it would have to reflect the values and priorities of the CEO. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to corporate citizenship. Fifth, it would have to be understandable. A company's employees, shareholders and clients deserve to know why it seizes certain opportunities and passes up others.

And finally, it would have to evolve as the business and society change.

Most of the current approaches to corporate social responsibility fall short on several counts, Martin says. They're foggy and abstract. They can't be integrated into a company's management structure. There is no way of evaluating success. And they are hard to explain in everyday language.

As long as this remains the case, he predicts, prudent CEOs will stick with what they know: earning profits, providing employment and engaging in low-risk philanthropy. "We keep haranguing CEOs to be better corporate citizens, but we have no formula that is sufficiently compelling for them to adopt," Martin says. "The work of our institute will be to develop a model that is strong enough to supplant the status quo."

It would help a business leader figure out, for example, when to exceed industry norms and when to wait for the government to regulate higher standards. It would help a management team determine whether a good deed was likely to bring rewards in the marketplace or harm the company's competitive position. It would help corporate executives differentiate between trend-setting leadership and costly utopianism. It would help a CEO whose heart was urging him or her to make a high-cost social investment to conduct a rational analysis before proceeding. And it would bring corporate social responsibility, which tends to be hived off in its own little compartment, into the mainstream of business decision-making.

The new institute will work directly with CEOs seeking to be social innovators (although it will not promote any issue or cause). It will also draft courses and case studies for students at the Rotman School, equipping the next generation of business leaders to see beyond the bottom line.

CAROL GOAR, The Toronto Star (20 April 2005)

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the relevance of religion?

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Today, in most parts of the world, people are undergoing unparalleled change, driven by the effects of globalization. We are witnessing the greatest migration of peoples across the globe, nation-states giving way to giant trade blocs and national borders being redefined or erased.

All these factors fundamentally undermine patriotism and national identity.

Under these conditions people's identities and loyalties are increasingly tied to the one constant in their lives: religion — be it one of the traditional, established faiths or otherwise. So much so, they are more likely to put their lives on the line for religion more readily than for any other cause — even killing their own countrymen for it.

This is evident all over the world: Hindus and Muslims in India, Catholics and Protestants in Britain; Muslims and Jews in the Middle East; the Sunnis and Shiites in Iraq. Witness the American, British, and French citizens who fought for the Muslim Taliban against their own countries in Afghanistan. People in the West may not appreciate or recognize this "identity crisis" because they have yet to fully experience the wrenching effects of globalization, as others have in the developing world.

Consider today's global immigrants: Where does the identity and allegiance of a new immigrant lie? Nation of birth? Nation of present residence? A giant trade bloc?

This is a crucial question because individual identity is fundamental to how conflicts start. As Stanley Kober says, "Wars begin in people's minds — and are rooted in how they view other people. Put simply, people do not kill people with whom they identify." In a borderless world wrought by continuous instability and change, to what or whom does one identify?

Arun Pereira, The Toronto Star (20 April 2005)

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post-exam musing...

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well, let's get one thing straight... leaving 10 minutes before the allocated time for the exam doesn't always mean you did well... in fact, it usually means you should've used the time more wisely and checked over everything with a fine-toothed comb... in that regard, the only thing i can say is that i didn't miss a question like last time... on the other hand, i'm far from brilliant... lucky and resourceful, maybe...

in fact, that's pretty much all that can be said in the case...

here's a hint for any professors that may be reading this entry:

don't use questions from past exams in the same course that have model answers posted...


anyway, we'll see in a month's time how i'm feeling...
until final grades come out, all i can really do now is soak it all in...

the first year of law school... DONE!!! 'nuff said...


btw, Habemus Papam! G-d helps us all...

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let the sunshine in...

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it's been an absolutely gorgeous weekend...
even got a chance to bust out the shorts on sunday!


met warner's mom and his sister, basically spent the whole weekend with him again... talk about interesting... seems they liked me anyway, albeit the time we spent together was minimal... sometimes, i can't help but think that this is too good to be true... things have been going so well... we're meeting each other's family and spending so much time together... the cynic in me says that it's the recipe for an emotional disaster when it ends... the optimistic side dares to contemplate bigger and better things, the possibilities of which at this point seem to be pretty good... i really don't know what that means in the long run, but it's made me look forward that much more to the summer ahead...

the first year of law school is officially over tomorrow... it might be presumptuous to talk about the successes and accomplishments of the past 8 months before writing the last exam and getting the final grade report, but i really can't wait for tomorrow... this year really has flown by, and i've learned quite a bit, not just in school but about myself and the people around me...

i've made and lost friends, drifted apart from many, and gotten closer with a few... i've figured out a bit better what i want to do with myself after school (but more in the sense that i've figured out better what i don't want to do with myself after school)... i've become more of a pragmatist and a realist and -- gasp! -- a conservative... but i've also had my eyes opened to a whole host of social issues and concerns that i was only vaguely aware of and now feel a compulsion to address in some way... i've had ups, downs, lefts, rights, and full circles and turnarounds, managing to maintain both my sanity and my integrity through it all... i'm not sure about being a "better" person, but i've definitely changed "for the better" because of this experience...

i can't wait for this term to be done... and i can't wait for next year so that i can take a more active role in my academic pursuits... sadly, i can't wait either for job interviews and career planning so i can start "living life" and doing "real work"... as with most things, it's both a matter of altruism and self-interest... or rather, a sense of self-worth... i can't wait to start doing work that "matters" and that affects people and that changes lives and that makes "a difference"... how or whether that will happen remains to be seen, but i'm optimistic at this point...

i've also been thinking a lot about moving out... a lot, a lot... i've come to realize that where i live right now really isn't "home"... i eat and sleep here, but this isn't "my place"... i'm ever grateful for my parents' willingness to give me everything and to provide for my every need, but i really need to bust out and make it "on my own"... or as much on my own as i can muster... i was brought up with and have many friends who have the mentality that moving out only happens when you get married or, at least, are financially secure enough to "make it"...

that would mean that i'd be here for another 2 years... quite frankly, i don't think i can stay sane enough to handle that... i have a good life here with my family, but i can't shake the feeling of being a child when i'm here... and that, more than anything, has me itching to move out... but at the same time, i won't settle for a crappy deal... while i look forward to doing the "mundane" life chores for myself, i also don't want to be living off KD when i don't have to be... i'll take the matter under advisement for now, but the 8-ball says "all signs point to yes"...


tomorrow's gonna be a blistering 26C! let the sunshine in, indeed!


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Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Tomorrow (from Annie)

in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday...

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i hate pressure... 100% exams are ultimate pressure... ergo...

i used to say that i would never wish the LSAT on my worst enemy...
i would say the same about law school exams...


the dearth of posts hasn't been for the lack of will or material... there's plenty of things i could've written about in the past few days... like attending the focus group on diversity in the legal profession hosted by stikeman elliott (the first time i'm actively plugging a bay street firm, but only for the fact that i think their initiative is worth recognizing)... or the article in last sunday's toronto star on "idleness" (and with all this sunshine lately, who wants to be sitting inside studying?)... i wanted to rant about the election drumming and how an op-ed piece in the national post -- of all places! -- talked about restraint and the need to get all the facts about the sponsorship scandal straight before bringing down the government...

or i could've mused about the use of the 'L' word by warner and myself...


but instead, i've to write up more "prepared answers" for tomorrow's exam...

**sigh**

i just hope i don't miss an entire question like i did yesterday ... ugh!

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
-- Charlie McCarthy

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dumb things in the news...

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it would be typically Canadian to say "only in America"...

but... only in America...


... where controversies arise over disabled people in beauty pageants...

... and people call the police over fast food issues...


of course, we're probably no better off in Canada...

but we try to keep stupid people out of the news as much as possible...

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a generation of narcissists?

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Experts call the Internet the socializing institution of modern society. But in this random world that is shaping the next generation, there are no rules or supervision. Safeguards are being made up on the fly. What will the long-term impact be? Are we creating kids hooked on instant gratification? With no sense of consequence for their actions? Who don't know the difference between what's private and public, and who are forever in search of an audience? Kids who don't take deadlines and commitments seriously because they are in perpetual communication?

Today's teens are perpetually in touch, making plans and breaking them as fast as they can type. They collaborate on schoolwork, research and creative writing in the virtual world, but they also flirt, bully and send each other sexually explicit messages. Sometimes they pose as other people. Many use weblogs, online journals and chatrooms as confessionals for every fleeting thought. Or take on Web personas to explore different identities, and play different roles.

When it comes to instant communications, some experts are concerned at how it may be shaping kids' attitudes. In a recent article in the journal Psychology Today, Bernardo Carducci of Indiana University Southeast suggested reliance on cellphones and text messaging undermines the development of self-regulation and critical thinking because kids are checking in with friends constantly and can do anything spur of the moment. "You get used to things happening right away. You not only want pizza now, you generalize that expectation to other domains, like friendship and intimate relationships. You become frustrated and impatient easily. You become unwilling to work out problems. And so relationships fail — perhaps the single most powerful experience leading to depression."

He refers to cellphones as "the eternal umbilicus" giving teens instant access to parents to bail them out of daily dilemmas or make their decisions. Some fear the culture of blogging and Webcams is creating a generation of narcissists, who think their every thought is worth communicating. "We really are celebrating exhibitionism. Young people didn't start it, but they certainly have caught on to it."

-- ANDREA GORDON, The Toronto Star (1 April 2005)

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Alex Tanas, 19, is the product of a loving divorce. Although his parents split up, they've maintained a close friendship. What some might see as a broken home, Alex sees as a home full of love. Family is important to him and his future goals. "I've always wanted to fall in love and have kids. I'm kind of getting to the point where I'd like to have a serious relationship." Having seen many in their parents' generation go through divorce — there were more than 70,000 divorces in Canada in 2003 alone — many of today's teens carry few illusions when it comes to long-term relationships.

While some, like Alex, remain hopeful, others are pessimistic about finding a life-long partner. "I see myself with a child but bringing it up by myself," says Jane Montague, 16, whose parents are also divorced. "That's not negative. I imagine a man in the background but don't see myself raising a kid in a dual partnership." Never mind divorce; she doesn't see herself married in the first place.

Zak, 16, (wishing to use his first name only), has a similar view. "I think I'll be a single dad unless I find someone who I can get along with every day," says Zak, whose parents divorced when he was an infant. "Anything's possible, but I don't think people can be constantly happy."

Sixteen-year-old Louisa Worrell isn't optimistic. "Like, at least half of my friends have single parents," she says. "My parents are one of the few parents still together. I want it (what they have) but I have no hope. There are so many marriages where it doesn't work out. It's not like a fairy tale." No unicorns, no dragons, no knights in shining armour.

Alex has similar sentiments. "I don't think there's somebody out there that's a soulmate," he says. "I think you find someone you like, earn their trust...and work toward a good relationship." Life is full of contradictions. Just because teens, like adults, are realistic about achieving perfection doesn't mean they don't strive for it.

"I'm not afraid of commitment," says Kamilla Break, 15. "I just can't believe you'd find someone you're so content with. I always find reasons not to be content. If I feel I'm getting too dependent, I get concerned and freak out." Of course, the opinions teens hold now of relationships and marriage are liable to change. And many are aware of this. "I'm at a point when I'm trying to find out who I am," Alex says. "It's hard to give yourself to somebody when you don't know who you are."

-- MARGO VARADI, The Toronto Star (2 April 2005)

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the right to die... the will to live...

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The pope's condition is deteriorating, for all to see, and he's becoming a potent symbol for his message: that life is sacred, no matter how painful...


on October 24, 1993, a father took the life of his 12-year-old daughter to relieve her from the pain and suffering from her severe form of cerebral palsy... the Supreme Court of Canada, in a per curiam decision dismissing the appeal of his conviction for murder, observed that “the law has a long history of difficult cases” and recognized that “the questions that arise in [this] case are the sort that have divided Canadians and sparked a national discourse” and that their judgment “will not end that discourse”...

on this night of vigil, awaiting the inevitable for a man who is, for all intents and purposes, indescribable... and after days and weeks of legal, political, and moral wrangling about the "right to die" in the United States... i feel compelled to reflect, despite the knowledge that none of what i say, write, or think matters until and unless i'm in a similar situation...

i'm not a religious person... not anymore... there was a time in my life when i considered myself and was considered by many to be a "Christian" (for lack of a better comparison, i might well have been considered a "fundamentalist" or an "evangelical")... i consider myself now a virtue ethicist, a philosophical agnostic, and a pragmatic idealist... none of that precludes me from maintaining a core set of values, many of which i admit are residual from my days as a believer...

every human life is sacred and precious... the quality of life can never be really judged by human standards, whether philosophical or practical, legal or ethical... as individuals and as a society, we have the positive obligation to protect life... we have the negative obligation not to destroy or injure human life... whether one judges the acceptability or unacceptability of euthanasia solely by ethics or by law, or even by both, one basic truth will remain: human life is sacred and precious... "quality-of-life" arguments rest on a false kind of personalism... there is an assumption that only conscious life is worth living... euthanasia promotes a dangerous and threatening attitude towards life, a growing tendency to view death as a good and life itself as a burden...

i don't know if what i say or believe now would change if i had to face the same situation personally or with a family member or close friend... i have no attachment to any of the situations mentioned above... while the death of a public figure like the pope, whom i had the privilege of witnessing at the 2002 World Youth Day in toronto, is a shock to me like to many, it affects me in no direct way... a discussion like above, in focusing on addressing broader philosophical issues, will necessarily have failed to take into complete account the subjective aspects of a personal tragedy... i believe that i am a moral person... but i am not a moralist... i feel compelled to write, as i did before, not because i have any answers, but because life is a series of questions...


"Suffering seems to belong to man's transcendence. It is one of those points in which man is in a certain sense destined to go beyond himself." -- John Paul II

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