quote of the day
--------------------We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Some look at things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not.
--------------------We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Announcing a temporary change to the firm's long-standing policy that employees are not allowed to read anything besides lease agreements. Anonymous Lawyer: A Novel hit stores this week and is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell's, or your favorite on-line retailer. No, not that one. I mean the one that sells books.
Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/pf283
Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/pmbvs
Powell's: http://tinyurl.com/pqxaoIn the novel, Anonymous Lawyer sets out on a quest to eliminate his biggest rival, The Jerk, and become chairman of the firm -- while dealing with incompetent associates, his spendthrift wife, and the inner torment deep in his soul. Very deep. It's not a compilation of blog posts. That would be like double-billing a client. And we never double-bill clients. Okay, we do, but not this time. New material.
USA Today calls the book "wickedly amusing," Publishers Weekly calls it "side-achingly funny," the New York Post gives it 4 stars out of 4, and my grandmother really loves it too.
We'll also be needing you to work this weekend on a memo for a case we've already settled, and there's a typo somewhere in the tax code that we need you to find. Thanks.
Back to work!
Anonymous Lawyer
Our firm was founded in 1908 by 13 lawyers who believed that the practice of law did not have to be merely one aspect of an attorney’s life but that it offered enough rewards – mentally, spiritually and financially – that it was all a person needed to live a complete existence. Our commitment to this ideal has driven us throughout our 98-year history, and continues to guide us as we approach the century mark.
With lawyers in offices around the world, Anonymous Law Firm offers clients comprehensive legal services, no matter their needs, and no matter the expertise of our staff. We are distinguished by our pledge to offer advice on whatever matters concern our clients, regardless of the skills and knowledge we bring to the table. This philosophy has enabled us to grow, shrink, and then grow once again as the market has opened up new opportunities with corporations who are unfamiliar with our work. Our unsurpassed record of involvement with our clients in all areas of their business has given us a dossier of experiences other firms simply cannot match. We have one compelling mission with regard to our clients: We can do the work, or at least we will spend the hours trying.
--------------------I am sure that all the Canadians who have managed to get out of Lebanon must be heaving sighs of relief that they are on their way back home to safety. But the media have been full of reports showing angry and tired people who feel that our government has not done enough to get them out of Lebanon.
Unfortunately, their comments irritate and anger many of us, so I would like to voice a few questions that I have heard many times over the past several days. First, did the Canadian government force you to go to Lebanon? Second, has our government ever had to arrange such a huge evacuation? Third, of course you were tired and frightened when you arrived in a safer place, but did you have to show such vehemence and animosity toward those who were trying to get you out of that dangerous war-torn country? Fourth, do you really believe that this is a simple exercise for our government and armed forces?
My husband was fortunate enough to escape from Hungary during the 1956 Revolution. He was sent to England for several months, and then was given passage to Canada. Without much understanding of the English language, he had to sit on the floor for three days in an English airport before boarding a plane that took 24 hours to bring him, along with many other Hungarian refugees, to Canada. They were not given food, water, or anything else, but they did not complain because they were grateful that our nation was willing to help them.
Of course, gratitude is a feeling that appears to be missing in most of the scenarios we see playing out before us today. Co-ordinating this huge exodus would not be easy at the best of times, but it is a huge undertaking when bombs might be dropped on any of the ships that have been sent to help with the rescue.
So instead of complaining, be grateful that you, at least, made it out, and if you have other family members who are still waiting to be rescued, thank God for the fact that they are still alive. Many people are not. On behalf of many ordinary citizens, I would like to commend our federal government for its efforts to rescue stranded Canadians in Lebanon.
Staff at the British office of Information Builders (IBI) tracked a string of alternative statistics during Germany 2006, including dives, feigned injuries, referee intimidation, and tantrums. According to their findings from watching TV broadcasts of the games, Italy leads in dives (32), France in tantrums (28), and Paraguay in fake injuries (12). Croatia, France, Italy and Portugal are tied in bullying the referee incidents with five, although Croatia played half the games (3) than the others did.
Information Builders devised the "IBI Foul Play Index" by awarding points for yellow and red cards, bullying the referee, dives, fake injuries and tantrums. The total is then divided by the number of games played. Paraguay leads the tournament with an index of 45, followed by Italy (40) and the Netherlands, Ivory Coast and Portugal (37). France is tied with Germany, Switzerland and Togo for 14th at 26. England, tied with South Korea, is 19th at 23. Trinidad and Tobago was the best behaved team the tournament, with a Foul Play Index of just 14. They were nailed for just four dives, three tantrums, and two fake injuries.
--------------------What's been on display during the World Cup hasn't been anything nearly so exciting as alleged plots to blow up buildings and behead the Prime Minister. But because it's involved thousands of normal, well-adjusted people, it's far more useful for assessing social trends.
What's been on display has been an aggressive brand of tribalism. It would have been a deeply uncomfortable experience to walk through the Portuguese celebrations on Dundas Street wearing the colours of a rival country -- or maybe, for that matter, of Canada. And while it's been amplified during the World Cup, it's not unfamiliar to those associated with the younger generations of some of Toronto's larger cultural communities.
Speak to a first-generation Canadian who came here during the wave of Italian immigration in the 1960s or Portuguese immigration in the '70s, and you'll hear considerable allegiance to their adopted country. That's not mutually exclusive with pride in their mother country and adherence to some of its traditions, but it takes precedence. Then speak with some of their children, or their children's children, and you'll get something different -- young men who define themselves first and foremost as Italian or Portuguese, and the occasional kid who will tell you that "Canada sucks."
This is not a question of age; it's a question of experience. Younger Canadians who themselves grew up elsewhere will speak contemptuously of second- or third-generation members of their ethnic groups who feel more connected to a country they've never lived in -- in some cases, never even visited. Because like the older members of local communities, recent immigrants know that there's a reason they came here -- Canada offered them a better life.
For those who instead embrace a mythical utopian version of their mother countries, Canada can never compare. And in a sprawling city in which a sense of community can be hard to find, allegiance to their ancestral homeland becomes a defining part of their identity.
The answer is not to attempt some form of cultural assimilation, which would inevitably have disastrous results -- and rob Canada of the cultural diversity that's central to its modern identity. But the brand of multiculturalism we embrace should dictate that ethnic heritage and traditions are a worthy way to supplement one's identity as a Canadian -- not to supplant it.
It falls to parents to instill in their kids the same sense of Canadian pride that they themselves feel. And it falls to society at large to examine how we can get members of various communities to turn outward, rather than just inward.