thoughts for the holiday...
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i was going to write an entry about finishing exams and surviving the first semester of law school and going on about how wonderful things are and on and on... i was stopped short in my tracks by the following e-mail from a friend... i think this is more important than just about anything i could say at this point, short of revealing the cure for cancer...
then again, it might cure something else...
--------------------
Every year, us lucky Westerners pour like a rich, bitter syrup from our homes to the churches of capitalism: the shopping centers. Up and down the streets we are bombarded with the same twinkling lights we remember from our childhood, except now they seem dull and timeworn. Watching television becomes a chore as the adverts for the toys, games, consumer electronics and festive foodstuffs punch us firmly in the face and steal our wallets whilst we sell the stuffing from our pillows to pay debts only to replace it with more credit card bills.
I don’t hate Christmas, exactly. It’s more the way we treat our fellow human beings at this time of year. It’s not about peace and love to all mankind when you’re having your own starring role in a private remake of Jingle All The Way, battling the tide of queues and being generally hostile to shop staff who are just trying to do their horrible job of making you happy whilst carrying whatever ridiculous orders their head office decides to bark at them for at least three months a year. Everywhere you look, people become full of stress and disdain for their fellow humans. You could blame the advertisers, the television executives or the corporate giants, but ultimately you have the power to stop stepping on each other’s faces in order to make sure your December 25th is memorable.
A few days ago, I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine, who explained that he was involved in a friendly competition to see who could commit the largest number of unprovoked, selfless deeds. Such caring actions are so uncommon these days that they often seem unusual, almost to the point of abnormality. There's no question: If I were involved in the competition, I would lose. I’m humiliated to say I cannot remember the last time that I've done something spontaneously kind without expecting or hoping that something would result from it. It's a shame that such a reflection was brought out in me only through conversation with others and only at Christmas time. Competition or no competition, I felt more than a little guilty that others were being so comparatively humane. I was able to justify my actions (or lack thereof), at least in my mind, because despite the thousands of people preaching about the "Christmas spirit", these splendid actions of almost complete generosity more or less never happen. I would be no worse off in the competition than the majority of the population; a billion-way tie for last place, with a score of zero.
Then, yesterday, my satisfaction with justifying my lack of compassion and generosity fell flat on its face. I was on the subway on my way back from an exam, which cruelly clashes with the Christmas holidays every year. The subway is quite a complicated system. Unless you're a subway operator, a mental patient or a vagrant, there are a variety of unwritten yet implied rules you must adhere to. First off, avoid all conversation with anyone, unless you know them. Even then, it's probably best to just play it safe and ride in silence. Secondly, if you plan on sitting in a seat, chose the seat the furthest away from everyone. This makes it much easier to adhere to the first rule. And third, if rule two should seem impossible, have a buffer of at least one seat between you and any stranger at all times. If you see an open seat, but there is the lack of such a buffer, you are required to stand. Now, I didn't make these rules, but I've learned to follow them, just as almost all of the daily commuters have.
Yesterday all three subway rules were broken.
A young girl no older than 5 approached me, and asked my name. Before I could recover from the initial shock of rule number one being broken, she had plopped down in the seat beside me, a blatant infringement of both rules two and three. "My name is Jenna," she said as I gazed around the subway looking for whoever the kid was with. "J-E-N-N-A. I'm four." After a few seconds, I eventually found what had to be Jenna's mother, a slim blond woman in her late twenties who caught my eye and then smiled an anxiety-free smile, as though her child did this all the time. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good with kids. I love being around them, but I really don't know how to deal with them when they're doing anything but being quiet and well behaved. However, as I turned back to face Jenna, I couldn't help but smile. Here was this child inciting a conversation with a stranger, expecting nothing of benefit in return.
These days, such a situation is practically unheard of. Even seemingly undemanding idle chatter has a purpose: to give a sense of reassurance of normality, that yes, we are conformed towards the current social conditions and habits. A "good morning" is not necessarily a good morning. A "goodbye" could quite possibly be the final closure of a previously successful romantic relationship. The question of "How are you?" may illicit not only the most automatic responses (in "Good thanks, yourself?"), but also one which ranks truth as completely unimportant. These staples of conversation are really not even real conversation, as much as habitual reflexes. And yet this child had simply asked me my name. There is nothing more remarkable to me than the potential of innocence. The act of learning somebody's name just to learn their name, is unfathomably mundane but beautiful in its simplicity.
Eventually, I broke out of my comatose state of shock and let down my defense shield. "Dave," I said. "My name is Dave". She asked me where I was going, if I had been shopping, and a whole barrage of other curious questions that had absolutely no importance to her life, and yet she was completely sincere in wanting to know the answers. Conversation ensued, and I had more fun chatting with this 4 year old than anyone else I have spoken to in weeks. Eventually I heard her mother say "Next stop, hun", as the train rolled out of one of the stations. "You better get going Jenna,” I said. “It was nice to meet you, and thanks for the chat." After looking at me for a couple seconds, she suddenly shot out of her seat and twirled around, slinging her tiny Sesame Street knapsack into the now empty seat. Digging through it, she pulled out a mini-Toblerone chocolate bar and opened it. Quickly breaking off a piece, she took my hand and put it in my fingers, closed her bag, and just before running to the door to exit with her mother, flashed me a smile and said "Merry Christmas, Dave."
It sounds clichéd, but this is what Christmas is to me: it shouldn’t be about Jesus or religion at all. It shouldn’t be trying to outdo one another ensuring your loved ones receive gifts to make them happy. It’s certainly not about beating each other up in the shops to get that one, last amazing gift from the shelf. You do something out of complete selflessness. Spare a thought for all those people you’ve never given a thought about throughout your existence. Treat each other nicely not because you expect to get something out of them, but just because they are human. There will always be lots of people in this world who will go out of their way to ruin things for you, but if you can refrain from retaliating no matter what they have done then you are, in a small way, making the world a better place. Forget revenge, passion, jealousy, and greed. Forget your self-pity and your self-deprecating emo-nonsense. If you feel yourself getting angry at all the commercialized greed around you, take a deep breath and tell yourself to sod it all and just be the best person you can, for the sake of everyone else. You are alive for the equivalent of a blink in the eyes of the universe, so you might as well make the most of it and make somebody else’s blink a good one that scrapes the sleepy crust off of life’s lens. I’ll admit I’m a hypocrite – I’m tied in last in the good-deed competition at the moment. But I’m an idealist, too. I have to remind myself of these values I hold dear every few minutes, especially at this time of year. I realize now that the world could use more kindness, and that sometimes the smallest actions by a single person can make a huge difference. I won't apologize for sounding preachy, if that's the way I come across. I've learned a lot this holiday season already, and it took a 4 year old to teach me.
So everyone, please do me a favor and make sure that you have a wonderful holiday. Have a Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year.
--------------------
i was going to write an entry about finishing exams and surviving the first semester of law school and going on about how wonderful things are and on and on... i was stopped short in my tracks by the following e-mail from a friend... i think this is more important than just about anything i could say at this point, short of revealing the cure for cancer...
then again, it might cure something else...
--------------------
Every year, us lucky Westerners pour like a rich, bitter syrup from our homes to the churches of capitalism: the shopping centers. Up and down the streets we are bombarded with the same twinkling lights we remember from our childhood, except now they seem dull and timeworn. Watching television becomes a chore as the adverts for the toys, games, consumer electronics and festive foodstuffs punch us firmly in the face and steal our wallets whilst we sell the stuffing from our pillows to pay debts only to replace it with more credit card bills.
I don’t hate Christmas, exactly. It’s more the way we treat our fellow human beings at this time of year. It’s not about peace and love to all mankind when you’re having your own starring role in a private remake of Jingle All The Way, battling the tide of queues and being generally hostile to shop staff who are just trying to do their horrible job of making you happy whilst carrying whatever ridiculous orders their head office decides to bark at them for at least three months a year. Everywhere you look, people become full of stress and disdain for their fellow humans. You could blame the advertisers, the television executives or the corporate giants, but ultimately you have the power to stop stepping on each other’s faces in order to make sure your December 25th is memorable.
A few days ago, I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine, who explained that he was involved in a friendly competition to see who could commit the largest number of unprovoked, selfless deeds. Such caring actions are so uncommon these days that they often seem unusual, almost to the point of abnormality. There's no question: If I were involved in the competition, I would lose. I’m humiliated to say I cannot remember the last time that I've done something spontaneously kind without expecting or hoping that something would result from it. It's a shame that such a reflection was brought out in me only through conversation with others and only at Christmas time. Competition or no competition, I felt more than a little guilty that others were being so comparatively humane. I was able to justify my actions (or lack thereof), at least in my mind, because despite the thousands of people preaching about the "Christmas spirit", these splendid actions of almost complete generosity more or less never happen. I would be no worse off in the competition than the majority of the population; a billion-way tie for last place, with a score of zero.
Then, yesterday, my satisfaction with justifying my lack of compassion and generosity fell flat on its face. I was on the subway on my way back from an exam, which cruelly clashes with the Christmas holidays every year. The subway is quite a complicated system. Unless you're a subway operator, a mental patient or a vagrant, there are a variety of unwritten yet implied rules you must adhere to. First off, avoid all conversation with anyone, unless you know them. Even then, it's probably best to just play it safe and ride in silence. Secondly, if you plan on sitting in a seat, chose the seat the furthest away from everyone. This makes it much easier to adhere to the first rule. And third, if rule two should seem impossible, have a buffer of at least one seat between you and any stranger at all times. If you see an open seat, but there is the lack of such a buffer, you are required to stand. Now, I didn't make these rules, but I've learned to follow them, just as almost all of the daily commuters have.
Yesterday all three subway rules were broken.
A young girl no older than 5 approached me, and asked my name. Before I could recover from the initial shock of rule number one being broken, she had plopped down in the seat beside me, a blatant infringement of both rules two and three. "My name is Jenna," she said as I gazed around the subway looking for whoever the kid was with. "J-E-N-N-A. I'm four." After a few seconds, I eventually found what had to be Jenna's mother, a slim blond woman in her late twenties who caught my eye and then smiled an anxiety-free smile, as though her child did this all the time. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good with kids. I love being around them, but I really don't know how to deal with them when they're doing anything but being quiet and well behaved. However, as I turned back to face Jenna, I couldn't help but smile. Here was this child inciting a conversation with a stranger, expecting nothing of benefit in return.
These days, such a situation is practically unheard of. Even seemingly undemanding idle chatter has a purpose: to give a sense of reassurance of normality, that yes, we are conformed towards the current social conditions and habits. A "good morning" is not necessarily a good morning. A "goodbye" could quite possibly be the final closure of a previously successful romantic relationship. The question of "How are you?" may illicit not only the most automatic responses (in "Good thanks, yourself?"), but also one which ranks truth as completely unimportant. These staples of conversation are really not even real conversation, as much as habitual reflexes. And yet this child had simply asked me my name. There is nothing more remarkable to me than the potential of innocence. The act of learning somebody's name just to learn their name, is unfathomably mundane but beautiful in its simplicity.
Eventually, I broke out of my comatose state of shock and let down my defense shield. "Dave," I said. "My name is Dave". She asked me where I was going, if I had been shopping, and a whole barrage of other curious questions that had absolutely no importance to her life, and yet she was completely sincere in wanting to know the answers. Conversation ensued, and I had more fun chatting with this 4 year old than anyone else I have spoken to in weeks. Eventually I heard her mother say "Next stop, hun", as the train rolled out of one of the stations. "You better get going Jenna,” I said. “It was nice to meet you, and thanks for the chat." After looking at me for a couple seconds, she suddenly shot out of her seat and twirled around, slinging her tiny Sesame Street knapsack into the now empty seat. Digging through it, she pulled out a mini-Toblerone chocolate bar and opened it. Quickly breaking off a piece, she took my hand and put it in my fingers, closed her bag, and just before running to the door to exit with her mother, flashed me a smile and said "Merry Christmas, Dave."
It sounds clichéd, but this is what Christmas is to me: it shouldn’t be about Jesus or religion at all. It shouldn’t be trying to outdo one another ensuring your loved ones receive gifts to make them happy. It’s certainly not about beating each other up in the shops to get that one, last amazing gift from the shelf. You do something out of complete selflessness. Spare a thought for all those people you’ve never given a thought about throughout your existence. Treat each other nicely not because you expect to get something out of them, but just because they are human. There will always be lots of people in this world who will go out of their way to ruin things for you, but if you can refrain from retaliating no matter what they have done then you are, in a small way, making the world a better place. Forget revenge, passion, jealousy, and greed. Forget your self-pity and your self-deprecating emo-nonsense. If you feel yourself getting angry at all the commercialized greed around you, take a deep breath and tell yourself to sod it all and just be the best person you can, for the sake of everyone else. You are alive for the equivalent of a blink in the eyes of the universe, so you might as well make the most of it and make somebody else’s blink a good one that scrapes the sleepy crust off of life’s lens. I’ll admit I’m a hypocrite – I’m tied in last in the good-deed competition at the moment. But I’m an idealist, too. I have to remind myself of these values I hold dear every few minutes, especially at this time of year. I realize now that the world could use more kindness, and that sometimes the smallest actions by a single person can make a huge difference. I won't apologize for sounding preachy, if that's the way I come across. I've learned a lot this holiday season already, and it took a 4 year old to teach me.
So everyone, please do me a favor and make sure that you have a wonderful holiday. Have a Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year.
--------------------
posted by þΛųL jØŋαŦhΛŋ @ 22:45
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