What do I want?

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a world with the fair distribution of wealth and resources that facilitate global health care and education... a world where differences are celebrated instead of alienating...


(big pause)


and "world peace"...



but with regards to you?


you and I having a romantic relationship is not an option... you and I having a sexual relationship is not an option (and never was, apparently)... you and I being friends is very questionable at this moment because I had wanted to be with you and for you to be with me as a relationship partner... but your (lack of) expression of your sexuality is clearly linked completely to your desires for love and a relationship... so I really have no desire to open that Pandora's Box again...


friendship is even a problem at this point because we weren't really friends yet we have had a romantic relationship... is it possible to develop a "just a friendship"? wouldn't all these feelings just cause great stress and tension? there is the question that is posed in "When Harry Met Sally": the moment sex/romance enters the picture, do things get screwed up? can it become something else?


what you were looking for and what I was looking for when we met was very different... you cannot change me and I cannot change you... nor should we try... I think I have been very honest and clear about my desires and have in no way been misleading... we each have different needs and expectations... how much these two circles can overlap is questionable... how much common ground do we have that allows for us to be in each other's lives in a positive way that helps growth to occur and not cause pain?



what do I want? I want people in my life where there is mutual respect and caring... I want people in my life who measure themselves by the character of who they are on the inside and not on the trappings of a materialistic shallow external society... I want people who I can laugh with... I want people with whom I can share a good book, movie, or CD... I want people in my life who can see the power and beauty of the moments we spend with each other and not have to always question "where is this going"?




OH!



and "world peace"...



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i don't know the person who wrote that... but i took liberties with the original note and channeled my thoughts into it... no, this journal is not addressed to anyone... but in a way, it is... it's addressed to him, at this moment... but it's also addressed to him/her, whomever it may be that comes along next... this is who i am... and this is what i want...


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Current mood: calm
Current music: Frank Sinatra -- My Way