dear blog
--------------------
hi stranger!
geez, it seems like an awfully long time since we last chatted... in fact, it seems like ages ago that we had a genuine heart-to-heart talk... i can't believe how i've neglected you so... especially since so much has happened since our last conversation... i may as well be a whole new person now... OK, well, not quite... just that a lot has happened, you know...
i don't even know where to begin...
well, obviously, you know that i moved... boy, it's only been a little over a week, but it might as well have been a lifetime ago! we've done so much with the place... well, not "so much", but from living out of boxes and sleeping on a mattress on the floor to what we have -- that's a whole heck of a lot, i'd say! the room painting is done, and it's a pretty decent job, if i do say so myself... the furniture and the decorations in the living room have been arranged... the centre piece, of course, is the bookshelf (well, not that it's in the centre, but you know what i mean)... there's something about a full bookshelf that just takes my breath away... i see all (or most of) the books i've read in my life up on that shelf and i realize a lot of who i am and why i am is because of all these thoughts and ideas and values that i've adopted over the years... it's pretty humbling and awe-inspiring, to tell the truth... and it also personalizes the place in a very important way... it's not just that a whole bunch of things of mine are here and that the decor is to my tastes, but it's because the very essence of my thought and being finally seems to have a home... how utterly sappy, i know...
well, what else? i've finished my research contract with the hutch... it seems weird to "only" have one job now, but gosh darn it if i wasn't going crazy most of this summer... what with all the stresses of moving and all the other personal issues that come up and the great issues of being and nothingness, it was nuts to have to try to manage two jobs... of course, life is always going to be crazy like this, especially in this profession, and g-d knows how anxious i am about this school year coming up, feeling like i may have bit off more than i could chew with my extracurricular commitments, but i guess there's always gonna be a part of me that actually likes feeling like my head is gonna explode... in any case (no pun intended), i'm still working at the innocence project, and for now i'm happy to concentrate my efforts there for the rest of the summer...
"concentrate", of course, is a very loose term... in less than 3 weeks, job applications for next summer are due, and the nail-baiting begins... for the record, all those people saying "oh i haven't even thought about it" or "i'm not really going to try" -- who are we kidding? yeah, i've ranted here before about the internal conflict of wanting to be genuine and altruistic and to make a difference versus the apparently selfish nature of this profession... and well, i don't know anymore... sometimes i wonder if i should take solace in the fact that at least i'm self-aware and socially/morally conscious enough to be able to problematize this issue, despite feeling inherently powerless to shuffle off this mortal coil, as it were... in any case, i'm going to participate in the rat race, if only to ensure that i don't end up destitute after having racked up all this student debt and living expenses, and perhaps also to ensure that my ramblings will someday be considered "legitimate" enough to be heard by those who have the power to change things... anyway, that's my intellectual justification for being engaged in this exercise...
so yeah, well... i miss "home" a bit... home being the house where my family lives in brampton... i mean, it's barely a half hour away from where i am now, and it's not like i can't go back anytime i wanted to, but there's still something weird about not hearing the grandparents puttering around or the parental units freaking about something or my sisters yakking on the phone or even the poor little dumb dog yapping about... my sister told me that my mom cried the first night i was away... boy, did that tug at my heartstrings... life's pretty crazy like that... you really don't know what you have until it's gone... not that it's gone, per se, but it's not the same anymore... and well, i can't really say i feel great about that... not that i would want things to go back exactly... i don't know...
i cancelled my gym membership last weekend... it was useless since i moved and i hadn't even worked out in months... i feel so guilty and gross... i've definitely felt (and probably looked) better before... i swear all this stress this year has taken ten years off my life -- at least! not that that's necessarily a bad thing though... i mean, i always said i'd rather die young... but yeah, i've definitely lost weight and have been feeling generally lethargic... surprising considering that i've been running on all cylinders for the past few months... or maybe not that surprising, right? i went for a massage a few weeks ago, and it killed more than it cured... i think that was a signal from my body that i definitely have to get back into shape...
anyway, i don't want to seem all melancholy all of a sudden... seems like we only talk now when i've got crap to get off my chest... then again, that's the whole idea of this, right? sometime ago i said this was supposed to be therapeutic... so maybe all this ranting isn't a bad thing... just weird that it's not just between you and me, but oh well... sometimes i wonder if i come off really petty just talking about all these mundane things and seeming to make mountains out of molehills... then again, i think we all have our pet issues that we never seem to tire of talking about...
all in all, life's been what it always has been (or seems to have been for the last few years) -- hectic, exciting, crazy, anxious, fun, mundane, droll, a neverending rollercoaster... appropriately enough, we have a poster hanging in the living room titled "what is life?" -- complete with all these delicious proverbs and pithy sayings, ranging from aristotle to dr. seuss to nietzsche to calvin and hobbes... yeah, there's still a lot to do, to fix, to arrange, to organize, to plan, to accomplish, and perhaps never enough time for it all, but somehow i still managed to take this time to exhale and reflect, so it's gonna be OK...
thanks for listening, blog! hope to chat with you soon...
sincerely,
pj
--------------------
hi stranger!
geez, it seems like an awfully long time since we last chatted... in fact, it seems like ages ago that we had a genuine heart-to-heart talk... i can't believe how i've neglected you so... especially since so much has happened since our last conversation... i may as well be a whole new person now... OK, well, not quite... just that a lot has happened, you know...
i don't even know where to begin...
well, obviously, you know that i moved... boy, it's only been a little over a week, but it might as well have been a lifetime ago! we've done so much with the place... well, not "so much", but from living out of boxes and sleeping on a mattress on the floor to what we have -- that's a whole heck of a lot, i'd say! the room painting is done, and it's a pretty decent job, if i do say so myself... the furniture and the decorations in the living room have been arranged... the centre piece, of course, is the bookshelf (well, not that it's in the centre, but you know what i mean)... there's something about a full bookshelf that just takes my breath away... i see all (or most of) the books i've read in my life up on that shelf and i realize a lot of who i am and why i am is because of all these thoughts and ideas and values that i've adopted over the years... it's pretty humbling and awe-inspiring, to tell the truth... and it also personalizes the place in a very important way... it's not just that a whole bunch of things of mine are here and that the decor is to my tastes, but it's because the very essence of my thought and being finally seems to have a home... how utterly sappy, i know...
well, what else? i've finished my research contract with the hutch... it seems weird to "only" have one job now, but gosh darn it if i wasn't going crazy most of this summer... what with all the stresses of moving and all the other personal issues that come up and the great issues of being and nothingness, it was nuts to have to try to manage two jobs... of course, life is always going to be crazy like this, especially in this profession, and g-d knows how anxious i am about this school year coming up, feeling like i may have bit off more than i could chew with my extracurricular commitments, but i guess there's always gonna be a part of me that actually likes feeling like my head is gonna explode... in any case (no pun intended), i'm still working at the innocence project, and for now i'm happy to concentrate my efforts there for the rest of the summer...
"concentrate", of course, is a very loose term... in less than 3 weeks, job applications for next summer are due, and the nail-baiting begins... for the record, all those people saying "oh i haven't even thought about it" or "i'm not really going to try" -- who are we kidding? yeah, i've ranted here before about the internal conflict of wanting to be genuine and altruistic and to make a difference versus the apparently selfish nature of this profession... and well, i don't know anymore... sometimes i wonder if i should take solace in the fact that at least i'm self-aware and socially/morally conscious enough to be able to problematize this issue, despite feeling inherently powerless to shuffle off this mortal coil, as it were... in any case, i'm going to participate in the rat race, if only to ensure that i don't end up destitute after having racked up all this student debt and living expenses, and perhaps also to ensure that my ramblings will someday be considered "legitimate" enough to be heard by those who have the power to change things... anyway, that's my intellectual justification for being engaged in this exercise...
so yeah, well... i miss "home" a bit... home being the house where my family lives in brampton... i mean, it's barely a half hour away from where i am now, and it's not like i can't go back anytime i wanted to, but there's still something weird about not hearing the grandparents puttering around or the parental units freaking about something or my sisters yakking on the phone or even the poor little dumb dog yapping about... my sister told me that my mom cried the first night i was away... boy, did that tug at my heartstrings... life's pretty crazy like that... you really don't know what you have until it's gone... not that it's gone, per se, but it's not the same anymore... and well, i can't really say i feel great about that... not that i would want things to go back exactly... i don't know...
i cancelled my gym membership last weekend... it was useless since i moved and i hadn't even worked out in months... i feel so guilty and gross... i've definitely felt (and probably looked) better before... i swear all this stress this year has taken ten years off my life -- at least! not that that's necessarily a bad thing though... i mean, i always said i'd rather die young... but yeah, i've definitely lost weight and have been feeling generally lethargic... surprising considering that i've been running on all cylinders for the past few months... or maybe not that surprising, right? i went for a massage a few weeks ago, and it killed more than it cured... i think that was a signal from my body that i definitely have to get back into shape...
anyway, i don't want to seem all melancholy all of a sudden... seems like we only talk now when i've got crap to get off my chest... then again, that's the whole idea of this, right? sometime ago i said this was supposed to be therapeutic... so maybe all this ranting isn't a bad thing... just weird that it's not just between you and me, but oh well... sometimes i wonder if i come off really petty just talking about all these mundane things and seeming to make mountains out of molehills... then again, i think we all have our pet issues that we never seem to tire of talking about...
all in all, life's been what it always has been (or seems to have been for the last few years) -- hectic, exciting, crazy, anxious, fun, mundane, droll, a neverending rollercoaster... appropriately enough, we have a poster hanging in the living room titled "what is life?" -- complete with all these delicious proverbs and pithy sayings, ranging from aristotle to dr. seuss to nietzsche to calvin and hobbes... yeah, there's still a lot to do, to fix, to arrange, to organize, to plan, to accomplish, and perhaps never enough time for it all, but somehow i still managed to take this time to exhale and reflect, so it's gonna be OK...
thanks for listening, blog! hope to chat with you soon...
sincerely,
pj
--------------------
posted by þΛųL jØŋαŦhΛŋ @ 17:00
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