quote of the day

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We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

— Robert Wilensky

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required reading

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to "celebrate" Call Day...

FROM: Anonymous Lawyer
TO: All partners, associates, e-mail correspondents, support slaves
RE: Required reading

Announcing a temporary change to the firm's long-standing policy that employees are not allowed to read anything besides lease agreements. Anonymous Lawyer: A Novel hit stores this week and is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell's, or your favorite on-line retailer. No, not that one. I mean the one that sells books.

Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/pf283
Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/pmbvs
Powell's: http://tinyurl.com/pqxao

In the novel, Anonymous Lawyer sets out on a quest to eliminate his biggest rival, The Jerk, and become chairman of the firm -- while dealing with incompetent associates, his spendthrift wife, and the inner torment deep in his soul. Very deep. It's not a compilation of blog posts. That would be like double-billing a client. And we never double-bill clients. Okay, we do, but not this time. New material.

USA Today calls the book "wickedly amusing," Publishers Weekly calls it "side-achingly funny," the New York Post gives it 4 stars out of 4, and my grandmother really loves it too.

We'll also be needing you to work this weekend on a memo for a case we've already settled, and there's a typo somewhere in the tax code that we need you to find. Thanks.

Back to work!


Anonymous Lawyer

http://anonymouslawfirm.com

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Anonymous Law Firm LLP

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Our firm was founded in 1908 by 13 lawyers who believed that the practice of law did not have to be merely one aspect of an attorney’s life but that it offered enough rewards – mentally, spiritually and financially – that it was all a person needed to live a complete existence. Our commitment to this ideal has driven us throughout our 98-year history, and continues to guide us as we approach the century mark.

With lawyers in offices around the world, Anonymous Law Firm offers clients comprehensive legal services, no matter their needs, and no matter the expertise of our staff. We are distinguished by our pledge to offer advice on whatever matters concern our clients, regardless of the skills and knowledge we bring to the table. This philosophy has enabled us to grow, shrink, and then grow once again as the market has opened up new opportunities with corporations who are unfamiliar with our work. Our unsurpassed record of involvement with our clients in all areas of their business has given us a dossier of experiences other firms simply cannot match. We have one compelling mission with regard to our clients: We can do the work, or at least we will spend the hours trying.

finally... an honest recruiting pitch...

good luck to everyone this Friday on Call Day!

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letter of the day

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I am sure that all the Canadians who have managed to get out of Lebanon must be heaving sighs of relief that they are on their way back home to safety. But the media have been full of reports showing angry and tired people who feel that our government has not done enough to get them out of Lebanon.

Unfortunately, their comments irritate and anger many of us, so I would like to voice a few questions that I have heard many times over the past several days. First, did the Canadian government force you to go to Lebanon? Second, has our government ever had to arrange such a huge evacuation? Third, of course you were tired and frightened when you arrived in a safer place, but did you have to show such vehemence and animosity toward those who were trying to get you out of that dangerous war-torn country? Fourth, do you really believe that this is a simple exercise for our government and armed forces?

My husband was fortunate enough to escape from Hungary during the 1956 Revolution. He was sent to England for several months, and then was given passage to Canada. Without much understanding of the English language, he had to sit on the floor for three days in an English airport before boarding a plane that took 24 hours to bring him, along with many other Hungarian refugees, to Canada. They were not given food, water, or anything else, but they did not complain because they were grateful that our nation was willing to help them.

Of course, gratitude is a feeling that appears to be missing in most of the scenarios we see playing out before us today. Co-ordinating this huge exodus would not be easy at the best of times, but it is a huge undertaking when bombs might be dropped on any of the ships that have been sent to help with the rescue.

So instead of complaining, be grateful that you, at least, made it out, and if you have other family members who are still waiting to be rescued, thank God for the fact that they are still alive. Many people are not. On behalf of many ordinary citizens, I would like to commend our federal government for its efforts to rescue stranded Canadians in Lebanon.

— Claudine Goller, Toronto Star (2006/07/21)

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on a less serious note...

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the "crisis" in the Mid-East

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I'm afraid I can't really offer an opinion either way. Being born in 1982, I'm simply one of the many who have been dropped in the middle of this long and bloody political story. Moreover, being an outsider to the narrative, it seems one couldn't escape charges of anti-Semitism or anti-Muslimism (is that a word?) should one offer an opinion one way or the other.

So I sit idly by and listen to the talking heads go back and forth. It's like tennis... with words and bombs. While I would like to think my interest in the issue has more of a philosophical and humanitarian underpinning, I can't help but think I'm just one of those effete "intellectuals".

Maybe I'm no better than "Ed".

At one level, I feel ashamed of myself. There's a war going on. People are getting killed. Missiles are falling on Haifa and Beirut and all I can think about is what time I'm getting off work and what I'm doing this weekend.

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Jon Stewart: America's last best hope

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my new nephew

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Jeremiah Thomas Saguil was born on July 11, 2006 =)

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the "best" in the world?

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Staff at the British office of Information Builders (IBI) tracked a string of alternative statistics during Germany 2006, including dives, feigned injuries, referee intimidation, and tantrums. According to their findings from watching TV broadcasts of the games, Italy leads in dives (32), France in tantrums (28), and Paraguay in fake injuries (12). Croatia, France, Italy and Portugal are tied in bullying the referee incidents with five, although Croatia played half the games (3) than the others did.


Information Builders devised the "IBI Foul Play Index" by awarding points for yellow and red cards, bullying the referee, dives, fake injuries and tantrums. The total is then divided by the number of games played. Paraguay leads the tournament with an index of 45, followed by Italy (40) and the Netherlands, Ivory Coast and Portugal (37). France is tied with Germany, Switzerland and Togo for 14th at 26. England, tied with South Korea, is 19th at 23. Trinidad and Tobago was the best behaved team the tournament, with a Foul Play Index of just 14. They were nailed for just four dives, three tantrums, and two fake injuries.

I attribute Italy's win to two things: (1) their admittedly impressive impenetrable defence and goaltending (I've been sold on Buffon and Cannavaro being the best at their respective positions); (2) the last-minute job of the Aussies in the second round.

But alas, as they say, it's not about "how", it's about "who".

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misguided identities

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What's been on display during the World Cup hasn't been anything nearly so exciting as alleged plots to blow up buildings and behead the Prime Minister. But because it's involved thousands of normal, well-adjusted people, it's far more useful for assessing social trends.

What's been on display has been an aggressive brand of tribalism. It would have been a deeply uncomfortable experience to walk through the Portuguese celebrations on Dundas Street wearing the colours of a rival country -- or maybe, for that matter, of Canada. And while it's been amplified during the World Cup, it's not unfamiliar to those associated with the younger generations of some of Toronto's larger cultural communities.

Speak to a first-generation Canadian who came here during the wave of Italian immigration in the 1960s or Portuguese immigration in the '70s, and you'll hear considerable allegiance to their adopted country. That's not mutually exclusive with pride in their mother country and adherence to some of its traditions, but it takes precedence. Then speak with some of their children, or their children's children, and you'll get something different -- young men who define themselves first and foremost as Italian or Portuguese, and the occasional kid who will tell you that "Canada sucks."

This is not a question of age; it's a question of experience. Younger Canadians who themselves grew up elsewhere will speak contemptuously of second- or third-generation members of their ethnic groups who feel more connected to a country they've never lived in -- in some cases, never even visited. Because like the older members of local communities, recent immigrants know that there's a reason they came here -- Canada offered them a better life.

For those who instead embrace a mythical utopian version of their mother countries, Canada can never compare. And in a sprawling city in which a sense of community can be hard to find, allegiance to their ancestral homeland becomes a defining part of their identity.

The answer is not to attempt some form of cultural assimilation, which would inevitably have disastrous results -- and rob Canada of the cultural diversity that's central to its modern identity. But the brand of multiculturalism we embrace should dictate that ethnic heritage and traditions are a worthy way to supplement one's identity as a Canadian -- not to supplant it.

It falls to parents to instill in their kids the same sense of Canadian pride that they themselves feel. And it falls to society at large to examine how we can get members of various communities to turn outward, rather than just inward.

— Adam Radwanski, National Post (2006/06/30)

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happy birthday, mr. president

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(mis)quoting the Bible

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The next time a Christian partisan shouts a Bible verse at you — as if citing Leviticus 18:22, Exodus 20:13 or 1 Corinthians 7:4 ended all discussion of homosexuality, abortion or women's rights — shout back, "Acts 4:32-35!"

That's the passage that might have inspired Karl Marx: "No one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common," and wealth "was distributed to each as any had need." No free-market capitalism in that biblical economy. No "prosperity Gospel," either, certainly nothing as lax as a tithe of merely 10 per cent.

Or you could shout "Exodus 22:25!" about not charging interest on loans, or "Deuteronomy 15:1-3!" about forgiving debts every seventh year, or "Leviticus 19:9-10!" about leaving grain in the field for gleaners, or "Luke 19:8-9!" about Zacchaeus giving half of his wealth to the poor.

You'd be shouting alone, of course.

Partisans and politicians won't be quoting those Scriptures in the next campaign on so-called "social issues," even though excessive personal indebtedness, unconcern for the poor and concentration of wealth pose a greater threat to the American way of life than divergent patterns of sexuality and marriage.

Such Scriptures don't apply, modern folks will say. Utopian experiments never work. Without the ability to charge interest, no one would lend money. Sabbath years of debt forgiveness would disrupt banking and real estate. Gleaning is fine for ancient grain, but modern managers must maximize profit.

Maybe so. Maybe those Scriptures don't apply. Maybe early Christians were wrong to try communal living. Maybe a modern economy requires better management than the Torah can provide. Maybe Jesus didn't link everyone's salvation to generosity, just Zacchaeus's.

By the same token, maybe Paul's insistence that women be subservient to men applied to one claque of gossipy women, and otherwise he stood with Jesus in welcoming women as equals. Maybe partisans for "protection of marriage" are right to ignore Paul's counsel that believers not get married at all.

Sound biblical scholarship isn't content to find the one verse that proves a point. Sound scholarship considers the whole, the thousand-year trajectory of Scripture, realities of authorship and changing contexts, contradictions, new directions that emerged in the Christian era, changing manuscripts and evangelists' promise of more revelation to come. Sound biblical scholarship takes effort and discernment.

Those who claim they are "defending the biblical faith" by demanding a certain doctrine or moral code based on a few convenient Bible passages that prove their point are actually undermining biblical faith in order to get their way.

It is unlikely that we Christians will abandon our 2,000-year quest for power. Like other people, we tend to believe that power, wealth and right opinion will make our lives safe and our days long. But let's at least be honest about our addiction to control and stop calling it faith. As it is, in flinging carefully selected Scripture-bullets at each other, we sound like children playing: "I got you!" "No, you didn't!"

— TOM EHRICH, Toronto Star (2006/06/24)

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aaarrrrgggghhhh

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*sigh*

All hope is on France now... Allez Les Bleus!!!

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Canada in 2020

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To get Canadians thinking about the challenges our country will face over the coming decades, the Dominion Institute - in partnership with the CBC, La Presse and The Toronto Star - has brought together twenty top thinkers to kick off a debate about what issues, events or trends could fundamentally transform Canada by the year 2020.


What for example would Canada look like if oil cost $300 a barrel in the year 2020? How would the country function, or not, in the aftermath of the separation of Quebec? Where and how would we live if global temperatures rose dramatically in the next fourteen years? What will our cities look like by 2020? What forces could transform our economy, the healthcare system or role in the world?

Visit the Canada in 2020 web pages of the CBC and The Toronto Star.

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heartbreak

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How to cope with loss?

Psychologists say you first have to experience the emotion of loss to process it properly. After more than 40 years of hurt, some may say England fans have certainly done that. On Saturday at the campsite in Gelsenkirchen, decorated with a scatter of St. George's crosses, hopes were raised, hearts were packed with expectation, tents were pitched and sights were set on the semis.

But now the tumbleweed of loss is blowing through.


For the rest of the tournament, I'm chanting "Auf gehts Deutschland schiesst ein Tor!"

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